Alert! Alert! ALERT! I say! Danger Wil Robinson! Danger! Woman, can you hear me? No, I won’t be quiet until you tell me that you heard me sound the alert. Ok, you heard me, now I’ll stop barking. Now WHO IS IT? Can I go out and see? Can they come inside and play? Please? Let me go see, PLEASE?

Oh GOODIE! Someone’s coming inside!

Hi, I’m The Dog. I answer to Dakota, Babba-Dog, Babbas, Bob, Puppy-Girl, Super-Dog, and Parvo-Dog, you can call me anytime! I know I’m in trouble when they call me DOG!

Who are you? I’m sure I’ve never met YOU before. You smell good. No, really, really good! Can I lick you? What – You want to come all the way inside? Oh, OKAY! Great! This place is really boring until people come visit. Let me lead you to the livingroom.

Pet me? Oh, right, you have two legs, that means I have to keep all four paws on the ground. See!? Four paws on the ground. Now pet me, pet me, pet me, PET MEEEEEEE!

Here, let me show you where the couch is!

Come on in, have a seat, where are you going to sit? There? There? In that seat? That’s my seat! Don’t tell The Boss and The Woman Who Walks Me that I sleep on that couch cushion when they’re not home.

You have a dog, no, two dogs! And a squirrel… no, a cat! And a baby!? Why didn’t you bring the baby with you? WHERE is the baby? I’d love to lick your baby! I’m really gentle, I swear! Come on, show me the baby!? Can I come over to your house and play with your dogs? I love everybody!

Wait? You’ve stopped petting me? Why are you just sitting there? Hello!? Helloooo!?
Aren’t you gonna pet me? How bout some more? I love you! Pet me! Ooooooooo thank you, do it again!

Ok, fine, I’ll go lay down on my mat, for a minute. But no one’s gonna notice if I army crawl across the room to come back and say hello to you! SHOOT! I got caught again. Fine, I’ll stay on my mat, but there had better be a cookie involved.

See look, I’m quiet and I’ve pretended to calm down. I’m allowed to stay in the room. Really!

Why are you just sitting there? Hello!? Helloooo!?
Aren’t you gonna pet me? How bout some more? I love you! Pet me! PET MEEEE! You know, it’s been really hot out, you smell like you need a bath. Mmmmmm, you taste so good. Wait, I missed a spot. Come back here, I’m not done with your bath yet. COME BACK HERE!

Where are you going? The bathroom? Yes, the bathroom is right over here, let me escort you. No! Don’t go in that bathroom, I’m not allowed in that bathroom! This one, over here, I’ll come with you to make sure you can find the TP. Wait? Why did you close the door!? Are you okay in there? I know how aweful it is to get stuck in that bathroom aaaaaaall alooooooone! Are you still there? What are you doing? I can hear you! Are you peeing? Aren’t you done yet? Come back! I miss you!

You’re back! Here, throw my rope toy! Please! Oh Goodie! Got it, do it again!!! Come on, throw it again!? Please, please! Pretty Please.

Now wait a minute, you’ve stopped looking at me!? Why would you be so rude? Look at me, see, I’m still here, feel my wet nose? LOOK AT ME!!! Rope!? Please?

Fine, I’ll get back on my mat. Where’s my cookie? Yum. Can I have another one?

See look, I’m quiet, can I get up now? Goodie!

You know, you look awfully cuddly. And I just love you so much. See how calm I am? I’m such a sweet little doggie, I only weigh 65 pounds. Can I climb up here and sit in your… ACK! Why is The Woman Who Walks Me yelling at me again? Fine, I’ll go sit on my mat, for a minute. Maybe.

I guess I may as well take a nap. Sigh!

Oh!? Are we going OUTSIDE? Let’s go, see, look, grab my leash. WAIT! You’re leaving without me and The Woman Who Walks Me. COME BACK!? Please?

Tomorrow maybe? Or the next day? How bout I come to your house? Dog Park? It really was a pleasure to meet you. DON’T FORGET THAT I LOVE YOU! Bye now!

Sheesh. I’m exhausted. I’m gonna sit down for just a… zzz ZZZ zzz ZZZZ zzz…