Oh, My head is spinning. Where do I even start?

My FIL is in the hospital with heart problems. That Guy I Married left the country to go be with him. He’s been gone for six days.

Six.

And I’m starting to feel it.

Four trips to Target. Babyfood, diapers wipes. More baby food. Shorts (it’s been 100 degrees all week).

A trip to the mall for shorts that actually fit.

Half a dozen trips to restaurants because my mother doesn’t cook.

This week, I’ve eaten fast food from Carl’s Jr, Del Taco, McDonald’s, Jack n the Box, In n Out, Panera Bread, and two diners.

And two homecooked meals from Ducky’s godmother and my stepmom.

600 miles in six days. To the airport, to the godparents, to work, to the godparents, to the grandparents, to my best friend’s house, back to work, back to the grandparents. No more driving.

It’s four in the morning, and the kid is actually asleep, I should be sleeping. But my mind is going in six different directions.

A year ago, I was pregnant, living in a new town, starting up a new blog, and trying to keep from being lonely.

I had time, and two free hands, so I had rededicated myself to learning how to cook. How did that go?

Well.

I’ve learned to make chicken casserole with cornbread. I’ve learned to keep frozen veggies, canned soup and chicken in the house to make casserole anytime.

I’ve stopped using the make-and-take dinner service, it was wonderful, but it had become an expensive habbit.

I’ve mastered the pork pot roast, three ways.

I no longer screw up mashed potatoes. Yay!

I’m still looking for excuses to use the dutch oven. I made a pot of chili for an easter picnic. I almost didn’t get to try the chili, it disappeared so fast. Chili is an expensive dish though.

Mandajuice’s seared cauliflower recipe has made me fall in love with cauliflower. I can eat a whole head by myself.

The baby eats the single-ingredient babyfoods that I make for him. He won’t eat the combos I make for him though. I’m not sure if it’s the ingredients or the texture. Anyone know how to cook an egg and serve it to a baby?

I’m trying to check things off The List this month. One of the things on the list was filling the freezer. There’s a chain of make-it-and-take-it dinner shops in California called Dream Dinners. I’ve totally fallen in love.
It works for me because I can book an appointment, show up with a cooler, assemble two months worth of dinners, and take the cooking instructions home with me.
I like it because I’m not the most creative person in the evenings, I can never remember which groceries we already have at home, and which ingredients I need for a recipe. I’m also not a big fan of touching raw meat, or buying a five-dollar jar of sesame seeds to try out one (terrible) recipe.

Oh, and That Guy I Married makes it a little too easy to say “Hey, let’s eat out tonight.”
It comes out to about $12 a meal, since we rarely eat the leftovers. In L.A., that’s a good deal.
I get to look in the freezer and at least feel like an accomplished Domestic Diva.

We had a rental car and a free day in Colorado, so we drove up Pike’s Peak with our buddies. It was a very scary drive, but totally worth the view. That Guy I Married had the camera on him for the whole trip, so I shall have to tell this story through his eyes.

This is Steph. Steph gets me, or at least she’s too polite to tell me when to shut it. I spent 15 hours running my mouth.
No, really, fifteen straight hours. I’m not sure how she didn’t kill me, I’m pretty sure her husband was ready to. I haven’t had this much fun in years, I think maybe I need to get out more.

Taking pictures of me yapping is really kinda boring, so That Guy likes to take pictures of rocks and trees and stuff.

I’m not sure how a guy who can take such beautiful pictures of sunsets can turn around and take pictures of these:

but that’s what I get for not taking any pictures myself. If you look on the left, you’ll notice that he took this picture while I was in the port-a-potty.

Since I don’t take enough pictures, I get to watch That Guy throw himself off of cliffs* in the name of photography:

Please honey, I’m pregnant, try not to die. Can’t you just stand over here, on nice solid ground, and take pictures of the pretty pretty puffy clouds? K,THX.

Honey, you’re kinda handsome, and I would take more pictures of your handsome mug…

But, you know, this Must-Carry-My-Laptop and Ipod Touch and work-issued-Crackberry AND My Crack-Jack-2 Every-Where-I-Go, Even-On-Vacation, It’s getting really old. REALLY. I don’t care if you downloaded Soduko for me, I don’t care that you found a hotel with free wifi. I don’t care if it can triangulate your existence location by satellite. We are on vacation, vacation is defined as a general leave of absence from regular obsession occupation. Put the phone away, for the love of all things, BEFORE I TRIANGULATE YOUR POSITION AND PUSH YOU OFF THAT CLIFF!

Thank you. Was that so hard? See how handsome you are?

Now, smile for a picture with your wife. Yes, yes, fine you can leave one hand on the Crackjack, just PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET.

*I’m pregnant, and may or may not be a wee bit hormonal. I reserve the right to beg him not to fall off the cliff and then threaten to push him off.

So, today I got a wild hair to send some cookies to Canada. I really should have gone to the store, bought some cookies, and proceeded directly to the post office. But I’m cheap. And I’m home alone.

I had a request for Peanut Butter cookies, so The Dog and I hopped in the car to get a jar of PB from the store. That Guy I Married and I argue about the legitimacy of peanut butter that you do, or do not have to mix before you eat it. I like the real peanut butter, the kind that you have to blend together. It was a big jar, and I’m pregnant (see: lazy) so I got out the egg beater to blend the peanut butter. Yes. Yes I did…
(more…)

(Pssst!? See the new URL? Isn’t it cute? Go bookmark that! Update yer Feedz! The Masthead Design Dude is nursing a colicky newborn, so the masthead will be updated later.)

::We now return to the regularly scheduled broadcast::

It’s time to learn to cook. No really, I mean it. I’ve got a kid on the way, and I’m gonna need few more dishes under my belt for those busy family nights.

There have been some spectacular failures. Stir fry was a Stir Flop. Egg white omlets went straight into the trash. DH loves mushrooms, so I tried portobello mushroom burgers (Murgers). He graciously ate half of the giant shroom and then “admitted” that there might be such thing as too much mushroom. Last Thanksgiving, there was the great ham bone soup debacle of 2007; and, um, we were living in a one-bathroom apartment last year.

I have a college education. I can read the directions on the back of a box, and assemble a recipe. But ask me to Just Whip Something Up, forget about it! There must be directions written so a third grader could read it, a map to the oven, and a 1-800 number on the back of the box.

This doesn’t make for real easy menu planning. I give myself a headache searching online for a recipe and just trying to write down a shopping list with everything I’ll need for a weeks worth of dinners.

Grammie had a two-week rotation. The rotation was something to the tune of: Lasagna on Monday, Lamb chops on Tuesday, Tomato Soup on Wednesday, poached fish on Thursday, Spaghetti or BBQ Hamburgers on Friday, Enchiladas at the Mexican restaurant on Saturday, and Roast Chicken on Sunday. My mom was sick of all of these dishes, and had two weeks worth of meals that she refused to cook when I was growing up. Can you blame her? Tomato sauce every other day for 18 years? Consequently, there are a lot of plain old American staples that I have NO idea how to make.

The thing about the two-week rotation: Grammie had four kids while she was in medical school, worked as a Physician, hosted Eagle Scout functions and Assistance League meetings at her house, and STILL had groceries in the kitchen and dinner on the table every night. I need to get me a two-week rotation.

I have a whopping five recipes that I can shop for and cook without looking (more than 12 times) at a recipe card. I’m getting sick of Turkey Meatloaf, Enchiladas, Cream of Mushroom Pot Roast, Sweet and Sour Meatballs, and Spaghetti. Technically, boiling water and warming up a jar of spaghetti sauce doesn’t count as cooking, so four recipes.

The lovely Belinda, at Ninjapoodles mentioned a recipe for Husband’s Delight Casserole. I gave it a try, and, yes, Husband was delighted. I even served this to company. I made two extra trays, since it was like SO easy and stuff. Yay, a whole FIVE recipes in my arsenal.

My cousin emailed me one of those Recipe Swap chain letters that called for easy, fool proof meals. I jumped on it, because Mama needs a new bag of tricks. Yesterday, I got an email from a friend of a friend, with the recipe for… Cream of Mushroom Pot Roast. Doh!

I called my mom and asked her to at least list the meals that Grammie used to make. My mom rattled off 22 things in fifteen minutes, with general instructions on how to make them (ah HA, so mom COULD cook them if she wanted to!). Other than some 1950’s concoction called “Labor Day Casserole,” all of Grammies recipes called for a BBQ, a fish poaching dish, or a roasting pan. I’m still trying to figure out where I’m going to stash Tupperware, bottles and bibs in my kitchen. I would have to store a roasting dish and a poaching dish in the spare bathroom. FAIL.

I need five more brainless recipes. Technically, right now I should be cooking dinner, instead of blogging about cooking dinner.

Help!? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? In the mean time, I’m off to the Campbell’s soup recipe website.

UPDATE: Now just a minute? Poached fish is just a fancy word or steamed fish? Even I can do that!

I’m making sweet potatos for Thanksgiving at my cousin’s.

I went in the cabinet to pull out brown sugar.
I pulled out two tubs. One has brown sugar, the other has gingerbread that I made last December.

Any post that begins with: “I should like write a post once in a while,” is probably not going to win me any new RSS feeds.

I’m not getting a cold. I’m not. I’m not! I’M NOT!

I’ve been drinking Throat Coat and AirBorne by the quart, sucking on the Cold Eze that a student gave me, blowing my nose like crazy, washing my hands like a maniac.
That said, has anyone got any “miraculous chicken broth” recipes?  Maybe I’ll get a comment from the free-range chicken broth people. Seriously, what is it about chicken soup? Should I go un-lazy myself and make some from scratch?

JellyJules asked what new recipes I’d be trying out on relatives this Thanksgiving. Fortunately I’ve been able to avoid hosting Thanksgiving thus-far.

Well, I’ve only got two jokes, and I’ve only got one recipe. If you ask me for a recipe, you get Sweet Potato Puree. It’s the recipe that I tried out on my coworkers and family last year. They ate it. I guess that means it doesn’t suck.

I got it from RealSimple.com, go have a looksie.

Scissorbill suggested that I post one of my mom’s recipes. Mommy, How do you make Tea Wafers? I can never get them right!

 

 

“Crunchy Pea Salad” – Ingredients:
One 10 oz bag of frozen peas
Four cups of Brand Name ranch dressing
4 tbls of generic bacon bits

Directions:
Take ingredients out of refridgerator, freezer, and cubboard.
Divide among four coffee cups, and serve.
There is no need to cook, thaw or even break up the frozen peas, as ice chunks taste fabulous with immitation bacon crumbles.